How To: Survive the Bus

1. Eat foods that are odourless or better yet, just don't eat 

2. Do not make eye contact with anyone (making eye contact is like holding a sign saying "sit next to me please)

3. If you are standing, hold on. tightly. #gothepole 

4. Music in headphones must be middle volume- unless you are comfortable with the idea that everyone around you knows your a "belieber"

5. Buy your ticket - coins are a no go. Guaranteed you will be pushed out the door like the peasant you are 

6. If the bus is empty, do not sit at the front. Aim for the Middle to the back rows, these fill up slower than the front.

7. If you are a germaphobe, now is not the time to get dettol happy. People will shun you. Buses are communal- so are the germs that ride with it. 

8. Headphones- use them. No one is interested in listening to your fave podcast, YouTube subscriber, or your latest rap single demo you just made. Plug it in, and let the rest of the bus go about their day. 

9. Personal space-ha! Goodluck

10. Unfortunately many of us who would rather drive simply cannot afford to, it isn't practical to or just didn't for some reason. Sorry to say, but if you don't have an opal card/ go card or any form of prepaid card because catching the bus is not a usual form of transport for you, you will suffer a miserable trip. The regulars know how it's done these days and they'll see you coming from a mile away. Keep your head down, earphones in and just pray that you'll get off on the right stop. #donthatetheplayer #hatethegame